Philippe Clement has 2 conclusions on Rangers life as he holds our cartoon world up to ridicule – Hugh Keevins

The Disney Corporation could sue for defamation of character if anyone else accuses Scottish football of being Mickey Mouse after the postponement fiasco at Dens Park a couple of Sundays ago.

The cartoon character has been successful commercially since he first came into being in 1928, thanks very much. Whatever’s gone wrong with a wonky pitch on Tayside, it’s got nothing to do with Mickey, despite what Chris Sutton says. We’ve our own cartoon cavalcade to deal with before we get to the world’s most famous mouse.

Rangers manager Philippe Clement did a convincing impression of a man holding our game up to ridicule with a disgusted look on his face when he was interviewed at Dens Park by the TV company who had just had their day’s schedule ripped up and put in the bin. Dodgy pitches and a nonexistent level of communication between clubs, the manager got all of it off his chest for the benefit of the cameras and the wider public.

Rangers fans can only be grateful that no one saw fit to bring Philippe up to speed on the time when Dundee made a critical situation even worse during Covid by somehow getting mixed up over how you send an email to vote on whether the league title should be called early. Otherwise, Clement might have felt the urge to consult his mobile phone on the times of flights back home to Belgium.

For once, all of the conspiracy theories about who benefitted most from the late cancellation of the game weren’t the most laughable part of what was a dismal episode. If anything, they dignified a situation that was much funnier than fiction, even if the joke must be wearing thin for the broadcaster paying £25million a year to be immersed in our periodic pantomime.

Clement gave a fascinating insight into the life