Jota is sacrificing Celtic and Rangers age old rivalry and mouthwatering title battle oil money can't buy - Keith Jackson

The following transcript is based upon a conversation that may or may not have taken place over the course of the last week. No names have been changed in order to protect the innocent. Because the men involved are guilty of gargantuan levels of greed.

*Phone rings.

“Jota is that you my old friend? It’s your agent here, Jorge Mendes. Long time no speak.”

“Jorge? Is this really you? You haven’t answered a single call or a text since I signed my last contract! You even blanked me on Whatsapp. Hold on, is this a new number?’

“Yeah, sorry about all that kiddo. I’ve been up to my eyes in it with CR7. I love him dearly but by God the man needs constant attention. It’s exhausting. Anyhow, how’s Glasgow? Is Stevie G still keeping you on your toes in training?’.

“Actually Jorge, he was the manager at Rangers. We signed for Celtic. Remember?"

“Oops! Yeah, whatever mate. Anyhow, here’s the thing. How do you fancy doing a Cristiano?

“Doing a what?’

“Moving to Saudi Arabia mate. Joining the big man out there,"

“Saudi Arabia? To tell you the truth Jorge, I’ve never even thought about it,"

“Well, I’ve got a bit of news for you. You’ve already signed a contract with Al-Ittihad. It’s all done and dusted. Just some minor details to thrash out. Like telling Celtic. And probably bunging them £25m to keep quiet. Just details, no biggie.”

“Hold on, I’ve signed for Al who? And you haven’t told Celtic yet? Jorge, how did you get permission to speak on my behalf without telling the club that owns me. Or even just letting me know?”

“Relax son. Old Uncle Jorge has got it all sorted,”

“Look, I’m really not sure about this. I’m happy here. The fans have made up a song for me, we’re winning s***-loads of trophies and we’ve got the Champions