Yes, it’s close-season transfer time, when anything goes

The ticker on the BBC News channel went haywire on Tuesday morning, churning out random arrant nonsense such as “Manchester United are rubbish”, “Weather rain everywhere” and … actually, we don’t see the problem with this. Nevertheless, the corporation decided to issue an immediate apology, explaining that someone who didn’t know what the hell they were doing had typed the first thing that came into their vacant head and hit send, which was big of the BBC, because it’s not as though the Guardian has ever said sorry for The Fiver, and they’ve had more than 20 years to set the record straight. So let’s not get too judgmental here.

The BBC could have gotten away with it, too, keeping their heads down and riding it out, because it’s coming up to that time of the year when bunkum, drivel, hogwash, balderdash and confected hokum, all barely thought through, if at all, are no longer the sole preserve of the Westminster commentariat. Yes, it’s close-season transfer time, when anything goes, publish whatever you want, and today all the talk is of Raheem Sterling who, fresh from coming off best in a $tevie Mbe-infused title race for once, is the prime summer target for Real Madrid. That one comes courtesy of the same people who brought you Kylian Mbappé to the Bernabéu every other day for the last three years, so make of that what you will.

City will also say goodbye this summer to Fernandinho, 83, and his uncanny ability to act the galoot without ever getting booked. They still need someone to commit seven sly fouls, 15 crafty trips, nine gentle nudges from behind and three borderline yellow cards per match, without which Pep Guardiola’s renowned purism cannot stand, and to this end they’re reportedly interested in Kalvin