Punditry has become so dumbed-down the guestlist often consists of cheerleaders. Everyone knows where Alan Shearer's allegiance lies yet it appears there is a contractual obligation to reference it whenever he is on Match of the Day.
So everyone was braced for a string quartet to assess Nick Pope's red card on Saturday. The Newcastle goalkeeper is now suspended for the League Cup final after a deliberate denial of a goalscoring opportunity in their 2-0 defeat to Liverpool.
Pope knew it was a red. Eddie Howe knew it. Some conspiracy theorists on Twitter refuse to believe it. "One thing I would say though," Gary Lineker wailed, "he's getting a one-game ban, it's a competition that's different, he's going to miss the cup final now.
That seems improportionate." Lineker got that vexed he made up a word. Also read: What Ten Hag told fans at full-time "Wasn't Joelinton on nine yellows, if he'd have got another yellow he'd have missed two games but not the Carabao Cup final - as an anomaly.