Act one, scene one: Erik ten Hag stares into the middle distance on a boiling hot day in west London. In front of him, a barely recognisable football team in a sickly shade of green are being embarrassed once again. "You're not fit to wear the shirt," rains down from the away end as Brentford win 4-0.
Manchester United are still broken. Act one, scene two: Cristiano Ronaldo is walking towards the tunnel at Old Trafford. The game isn't over, but the game is up for Ronaldo.
He has refused to come on against Tottenham and has upped the ante in his fight with Ten Hag, a fight that, on this occasion, was only ever going to produce one winner.
United win for the ninth time in 12 games and the new manager seems to have a grip on things. Act one, scene three: A 53-year-old Dutchman is dancing on the pitch at Wembley.