Terminator riffs at the ready – it’s Liverpool v Manchester City!

The football festival of peace, love, understanding and tolerance that is the Human Rights World Cup starts in 37 days, which might seem a fair old while but is just two fewer than Kwasi Kwarteng spent arrogantly tanking the UK economy in his blink-of-an-eye blur as UK chancellor before being chucked under a big red Brexit bus.

Yes, The Fiver’s long been renowned for its ability to see off all comers, and with cutting edge topical humour like that crowbarred into what is supposed to be a wry, sideways look at Liverpool v Manchester City this weekend, it’s small wonder we’ve seen off Dara Ó Briain and his wiseacre cynics on Mock The Week despite their commendable 17-season run.

Before the good and the great of global football converge on Qatar – and Erling Haaland checks himself into Cyberdyne Systems HQ for a month-long recharge and tune-up from the Skynet conscious group mind and artificial general super-intelligence system – there is plenty of business to attend to on the domestic front. And following his uncharacteristically poor showing against Liverpool in July’s Community Shield, The Fiver can’t help but feel Haaland might have some of the unfinished kind on his mind. Nicely rested and goal hungry after a midweek break that entailed nothing more strenuous than a few sideline stretches in Copenhagen, the Norwegian should be in prime condition to strike terror into the hearts of Liverpool’s defenders on Sunday.

“He can’t be bargained with,” said Jürgen Klopp when asked about the threat of Haaland in his pre-match presser, although The Fiver may be paraphrasing in order to continue our laboured Terminator riff. “He can’t be reasoned with. He doesn’t feel pity or remorse or fear and he absolutely will not stop, ever,