Liverpool’s root-and-branch redevelopment and the Crisis Baton

The current fight for ultimate ownership of the 2022 Crisis Baton is shaping up to be a fascinating one. Early in the season, it looked to be a shoo-in for Erik ten Hag, The Fiver anticipating him twirling and flinging it around ostentatiously, like Stevie Nicks in the video for Tusk, marching all the way to the end of the season, if he got that far. But Manchester United are suddenly four wins into an Are Back, Baby! sequence, so he’ll not be getting his hands on that stick again until approximately 3.55pm on Sunday 2 October when, well, you don’t even need to look it up, do you? Erik can start twirling it again on the way back across town, but until then he’ll have to wait.

The Baton subsequently passed into the brief possession of Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard, but surprising outbreaks of base competence resulting in hard-fought draws meant neither of the Golden Generation of English managers held on to the cursed pole for long. That allowed Brendan Rodgers to brazenly snatch it for himself. With his Leicester team a complete rabble, and his post-match gambits stopping only a couple of steps short of George Costanza performing donuts in the Yankees parking lot with the World Series trophy dragging behind, screaming “your triumphs mean nothing” through a megaphone, the Baton looked Brendan’s to keep for the foreseeable. But then suddenly, up rocked Jürgen Klopp, spoiling for a fight, ready and seemingly determined to wrestle it off him, stripped in front of the fire if needs be, with sensual oils, and there’s a mental image right there. You’re welcome.

Earlier in the day, Liverpool’s social media disgrace team had put Neapolitan backs up by emphasising to their travelling fans, in a fairly clumsy and undiplomatic