‘I was numb’: the pain of release by an academy and what football can learn

Watford, like all academies, provided two reviews each year – one before Christmas, another at the end of the season. The aim is to ensure there are no surprises when important decisions are made such as a player being released or retained. Reviews were attended by the player and one of his parents, the academy manager, assistant academy manager and your age group coach, and were held at the stadium.

This seemed perfectly normal as dad and I drove the 30 minutes or so from home to Vicarage Road for my final mid-season review. We hoped to hear I was on track for that important final decision to be made some time in the new year. Yet when we parked up, we met DeReece, another player from the team, who had just been told he was being released. My body stiffened and my mind went blank. I felt terrible for him and didn’t know what to say.

DeReece was with his mum and grandad, who always watched, and was visibly upset. As we said our goodbyes to DeReece, his grandad assured me I would be fine. I wasn’t so sure. DeReece was a “definite” in our eyes. What chance did I stand?

Dad and I were met by Nick Cox who guided us into a room with fellow coaches Barry Quin and Dave Reddington. My heart pounded and my hands were sweaty as they opened by announcing their decision. I wasn’t being offered a scholarship and they explained their decision for another 10 to 15 minutes. I was numb and unable to digest anything they said so just stared straight through them, unresponsive.

Dad answered their questions as he knew if I tried to speak, I’d probably burst into tears. As the meeting closed, they offered to help me find another club, listing some smaller clubs where they had good contacts. I felt insulted. So that is what you think of me? A