Darwin Núñez getting into the whole pub-car-park-infused carry-on

Wilfried Zaha and Luis Díaz both scored delightful goals at Anfield on Monday night, but that wasn’t the half of it for fans of aesthetic purity. That head-butt by Darwin Núñez was – and let’s put notions of the moral unacceptability of wanton uberviolence to one side – perfectly executed. A graceful spin followed by an unambiguous planting of the heed right into Joachim Andersen’s startled face, the crisp, clear connection registering a top mark of 11 on our patented Yosser Hughes-o-meter. The act would also score highly at a Highland Games, come to think of it, given Andersen crashed to the floor in the 12 o’clock position like a perfectly tossed caber.

Whether this sort of pub-car-park-infused carry-on will be embraced by the more milquetoast members of the newly popular Nobody Likes To See It But They Do movement, who recently coalesced around the lingering handshake between Thomas Tuchel and Antonio Conte, a brouhaha straight out of the quainter playground playbook, remains to be seen. We’re saying it’s fine to enjoy Nunez’s Begbiesque tendencies, and consume the pantomime fun in a relaxed state of High Amusement, but then The Fiver doesn’t have any kids, we neither think of them nor care. No skin in the game, you see. Same with the climate. Lovely weather we’ve been having. Stick that fan on full blast, will you?

Others will demur. Some online bampots took the whole situation so seriously that they sent abuse and death threats to Andersen, for the crime of doing nothing other than playing Liverpool’s record signing like a fiddle. “Have some respect and stop acting tough online,” countered the Palace defender, bossing the bedroom buffoons with similar ease. Thankfully, those inside the club have responded to their