Celtic conspiracy theories swapped for Rangers as Hotline brands boring Philippe Clement all mouth and no trousers

Is your head not hurting quite as much as it should be at this time of year? Can’t get enough of raging family feuds or petty squabbles and long running disputes between the neighbours? Well, you’ve guessed it, you’ve come to the right place.

Welcome to the festive world of the Hotline, where not even a New Year can put old hostilities on pause. Stephen Johnstone from the sleepy Highland village of Ardentinny got the ball rolling. He wrote: “The new year 2024 has only started and Celtic pundits and fans are bumping their gums that certain players are world class. Callum McGregor against St Mirren? Well if he and others are that great why are they still at Celtic? And if my memory serves, did this group of players not finish bottom of the Champions League groups in the last two years? Like my Xmas pies - they’re full of mince.”

Ho-ho-ho! And on it goes. Shouting back from the other side of the fence came Gerry Linnen: “I am fed up reading about this derby penalty that Rangers didn’t get. Can we not just put it down as ‘an honest mistake’ like all the other contentious decisions in previous derby games and let it go?”

And on we go. Craig Wilson, Kirkintilloch, hit back: “Now that the Celtic penalty conspiracy theories have been put to bed, will they concentrate on Rangers not being awarded one at Parkhead since 2011? Their PR is tremendous, culminating in the shocking display of refereeing in the derby last Saturday. It was sinister in their favour.”

Needless to say Dave O’Hara did not agree. He wrote: “I read John Bruce’s comments on the Old Firm game and have to say, I too was surprised that Rangers didn’t get a penalty. Because up to that point the ref had appeared to be doing his best to be named Rangers player