Why free-kick vanishing spray is football’s great modern invention

The Premier League paid £12.26m to implement VAR in the 2019-20 season. Whatever your views on VAR, there is no way anyone can claim it has eradicated refereeing controversies. By contrast, vanishing spray is freely available online for £6.99 per can, and there are no longer any disputes over retreating at free-kicks in the professional game.

There is something mystical about the power of the vanishing spray. I cannot recall seeing any team trying to disobey the spray. Once it’s marked out, it seems to placate even the most unruly centre-half into retreating behind the spray’s forcefield. You rarely witness any attempts to argue where the line is, as routinely happens with corner takers trying to place the ball on the furthest speck of the white line.

There is a valid debate surrounding VAR that controversies contribute to the joy of watching football. Goalline technology has worked almost perfectly, but also removed the fun of knowing your side have got away with the opposition’s clearly over-the-line goal not being given. Moreover, at £200,000 per stadium to set up and £3,000 per game afterwards, it’s unavailable below the Championship.

It’s important that the vanishing spray is so affordable. A chunk of the equality of the Laws of the Game from Sunday league upwards vanished once goalline technology began in the Premier League in 2013-14. The price of VAR has heightened that, but the £6.99 spray – mostly a mix of water, butane and vegetable oil – reintroduces utopian socialism to Hackney Marshes. For an extra £1, anyone wanting to cosplay as Graham Scott can buy both spray and the shorts holster in which to hold it.

While chaos is king for post-match talking points, surely only a gamesmanship addict enjoyed the