What it's like to take a famous Huddersfield Town dizzy penalty at the John Smith's Stadium

Dizzy penalties are as much of a Huddersfield institution as Marston’s Chicken Shop and a peculiar but delightful pronunciation of the word ‘love’. Unfortunately, the tight turnaround on what was and wasn’t possible during half time in the Premier League days looked to have sent dizzy penalties the way of Johnny’s Night Club: fondly remembered, but consigned to the past.

So when I went into the press room for a half-time cuppa during the 2-2 draw with Queens Park Rangers and got word that dizzy penalties were back, I could not contain my delight. We all love football, but even the beautiful game cannot compare to the sheer base inanity of seeing a load of fat blokes stumbling around the pitch like they’re 15 pints deep, desperately trying to get their eyes on the ball if possible, plus a foot if they were lucky.

Evidently someone in the Huddersfield Town media team took note (thanks, Eleanor), because shortly before kick off against Bristol City and asked, in not so many words, if I would like to be one of those fat blokes. You simply do not pass up opportunities like that, and the answer was a big “YES” that surprised even me for its immediacy. Children have responded to getting a surprise Playstation 5 for Christmas with less enthusiasm.

As sad as it sounds, it was difficult to concentrate on preparing for the game after that. Gary Lineker appeared before me in my mind to issue some words of advice remembered from years ago: pick a spot, don’t deviate from it, imagine the ball hitting the back of the net, and stick to it. I knew immediately where I was going: a neat side-footer into the bottom-right corner, surely past the leap of a grown man with a limited field of vision who spends his Saturday afternoons dressed as