The spin cycle that is an inescapable part of supporting England

It was a tense Wednesday night in Fiver Towers. Two TV screens, two matters of great national import, two compelling struggles: England trying to hold on to their 1-0 lead over Austria in an increasingly fraught Euro 2022 opener, and Boris Johnson trying to preserve his 42-0 deficit against the Tories. Our eyes were mainly on the former, where Beth Mead’s stylish early goal gave the Euro 2022 hosts an important if nervy victory. The Fiver didn’t deal with the tension of the last 25 minutes particularly well, polishing off a quota of Tin that was supposed to last us up to and including Sweden v Switzerland at 5pm on Wednesday 13 July. By the final whistle we were so discombobulated that we were screaming for Sarina Wiegman to resign and BJ to pick Alex Greenwood against Norway on Monday.

But a win is a win is an excuse for even more Tin, so that was the Netherlands v Portugal ration gone as well. Truth is, we may have overreacted a touch, because in many ways this was the perfect start for England. They won, thus averting a nationwide navel-gazeathon before the tournament was 24 hours old. But they didn’t win so emphatically that Granny Fiver was out on the balcony until sunrise armed with a party horn, a bottle of Good Vibes and a pathological inability to get bored of singing “It’s Coming Home”.

The way the match progressed allowed a record crowd of 68,871, and the gazillions watching at home, to get used to the emotional spin cycle that is an inescapable part of supporting England at major tournaments. Wiegman, as ever, was the voice of sanity after the game, but even her language reflected a nuanced night. If we knew how to put her post-match interviews into a buzzwords graphic generator, these are some of the words