Swimmer Sydney Pickrem navigates mental health hurdles to double Pan Am Games gold

Sydney Pickrem says depression and anxiety will be her constant companions, but she's able to navigate them by thinking of herself as a human first and a swimmer second.

Pickrem, who won a pair of Pan American Games gold medals in Santiago, Chile, withdrew from July's world championship in Fukuoka, Japan with what she'd called "crippling anxiety and depression."

"I've been in these positions before," Pickrem said Wednesday night at Santiago's Centre Acuatico. "I definitely had bad years and bad days and struggle with my mental health throughout the years. I don't think this was necessarily the first time. Sometimes I almost forget, once I'm doing well, to still check in and take care of myself.

"Someone asked me 'is that all behind you?' and I'm like depression and anxiety will never be behind me. It's going to be something I always have for the rest of my life, but I embrace it and I want to tackle it and be the best me I can be."

Pickrem is a dual Canadian-American citizen who was born in Florida and whose family is from Halifax. She's a two-time Olympian who helped Canada's women win a medley relay bronze in Tokyo's Olympic Games two years ago.

She graduated from Texas A&M in 2019, but continues to train there with the men's swim team.

"I swim with 30 guys. I don't swim with any girls. At first, it was really hard for me to open up with my struggles," Pickrem said. "I think it caught them off guard when I wasn't going to worlds because of where I was at in training and my physical ability.

"They were like 'but you're going to crush it.' I was like 'it's not worth it to me to just stick [it] through and not be a happy human being.' Having to be vulnerable with 30 college guys is not easy, but it's really pushed me to