Lewis Ferguson's Hearts dive was so embarrassing it reminded me of loose cannon Suso Santana - Ryan Stevenson

Let me tell you about the time wee Suso Santana went loco in Il Ciocco and caused a full-scale rammy after taking a dive under a tackle from our hotel waiter.

Why? Because Lewis Ferguson ’s bellyflop at Tynecastle was one of the worst cases of simulation I’ve seen since the incredible day our wee Spaniard lost his head in the Tuscan sun.

The Aberdeen man should be embarrassed by his theatrics and it’s just as well Craig Gordon saved his resultant penalty because Robbie Neilson was angry enough without it also potentially depriving Hearts of what was a superb win.

But back to Suso, who was fond of hitting the deck. He was an absolute loose cannon as we found out on that trip to Italy in 2011.

Jim Jefferies liked to take us to a training base in Il Ciocco for pre-season. It was tremendous, beautiful, but we were absolutely pounded for a week running hills and all that stuff.

Our ‘reward’ at the end of the stint was a bounce game against a team that was made up of half the hotel staff and the amateur side they played for.

A nice, friendly 90 minutes to get a touch of a ball against the staff that had been so accommodating all week.

But Suso had other ideas. Thirty-five minutes in he threw himself to the turf under a challenge from a guy who - I kid you not - had been serving us pasta all week.

I don’t know if this poor chap had done something to Suso’s tagliatelle but the wee man was going tonto.

Suso, having dived, then got up and called the guy a son of a b**** in Spanish. Turns out the waiter spoke fluent Spanish and flew for him.

It was bedlam. Jim Jefferies and Billy Brown were at the side of the park knotting themselves as the rest of us tried to split it up. No surprise the game never restarted and Suso hid in