In the bowels of Stamford Bridge, it seems, there isn’t much looking glass

Football Daily has spent the last few days enjoying a right good laugh at the expense of Chelsea co-owner Todd D’oh!ly. Yes, he’s sitting on $5.3bn, which is about £500, and we’re wrestling with the big questions of 2023 (bread or spread?). But just look at the state of this philanthropic multi-billionaire! As Chelsea prepare for a season-defining Big Cup match against Real Madrid, most of the talk is not of the players, or Frank Lampard’s win percentage in his second spell as manager, or even his draw percentage. It’s D’oh!ly, whose dressing-room pep talk after the defeat by Brighton on Saturday has leaked faster than b@nterous first-leg predictions from his overenthusiastic mouth. D’oh!ly reportedly called Chelsea’s season “embarrassing”, after which, according to the National Grid, there was a surge in pot/kettle analogies, and singled out one player – bought for big money in the last 12 months, and yes this stuff does write itself – for criticism. In the bowels of Stamford Bridge, it seems, there isn’t much looking glass. D’oh!ly’s combination of enthusiasm, power and ignorance are in danger of setting USA! USA!! USA!!!-UK football relations back 20 years, and they weren’t exactly thriving before he invited Jesse Marsch to hold his watery beer.

In Monday’s pre-match press conference, Lampard and Kepa Arrizabalaga did their best to pretend this was perfectly normal, but nobody was fooling anybody. “When an owner is invested in their interest in the team and wants to help and improve, it’s their prerogative to have the input they want,” tooted Lampard. “I remember the moments as a player of owners first coming into the dressing room. It first happened at Chelsea. I remember being really happy that they were there,” he