'I shouldn't have went': John Herdman says sister's death had him not ready to coach Canada at World Cup

John Herdman, who coached Canada's men's team to its first World Cup appearance in 36 years, now says he wished he'd stepped down as manager before the tournament in Qatar in late 2022.

The 48-year-old Englishman told CBC Sports' Anastasia Bucsis that he "wasn't ready" in the wake of his sister Nicola's suicide in May of that year, just a few months after the team had secured its berth for the tournament.

"I had just lost my sister to suicide, and it really, really hurt and it was for a period of time. I've never been hurt like that," Herdman says on the POV Podcast, released Tuesday. "I'd always been the fixer in my family, and I couldn't fix it. So coming out with World Cup qualification, it was like the highest high, then down to the worst experience that I had in my life.

"I had a decision to make in June [2022] and I went against my instinct … I shouldn't have went."

WATCH: John Herdman on why he feels he should have not coached at World Cup:

Herdman said he wished he'd done more to help his sister.

"She'd reached out for help when I was at the Gold Cup [in 2021]. And I didn't help in the way I could have," he said.

Herdman's revelation stands in stark contrast with the celebrations that followed the team's qualification for the World Cup in March 2022, where it finished first in the CONCACAF standings after wins over higher-ranked teams like the United States and Mexico. 

But the euphoria quickly gave way to discord after Canada Soccer, which oversees the national team, was forced to cancel two tune-up friendlies in the months that followed.

That June, a scheduled game against Iran was called off following protests from families of Canadians killed in a Ukranian plane shot down by the Iranian Revolutionary