Bedbugs, anxiety and friendships: the ups and downs of life on tennis’ lower rungs

“You get depressed for the first two days returning home and the first two days on the road, too?”

I thought I was the only tennis player who struggled with this part of tour life. I’m talking with one of my best friends in professional tennis, Taylor Ng, a Dartmouth University graduate who worked on Wall Street for two years before pursuing a professional career. Today, she ranks around No 650 in the world.

We catch up and each ask how the other is doing. More importantly, we ask, “Where are you?” Both of us pause and laugh. For a moment, neither of us can remember the time nor the place we are. This is normal. After all, we change countries week to week. I often wake up wondering where I am.

On this day, however, I’m finally returning home after one month of being on the road. Coming home brings on so many emotions, making players like myself hyper-aware of the instability that professional tennis can bring. It’s a reminder that even your closest friends and family can’t fully understand your life and experiences. It means realizing that the world you leave in order to chase ranking points continues on without you – and that while you’re gone, you’re missing out on important events and moments.

Every time I come home, my nieces and nephews are impossibly bigger. When I’m traveling, I sometimes avoid FaceTiming my family on Friday evenings – because I know they are all out to dinner. They call me anyway. I put on a smile for them, even though I’m sad that I can’t be at my favorite restaurant, too. I snap myself into being present, focused on where I am and what I’m doing. Daydreaming can make me homesick, so it’s better not to.

When talking to the people closest to me – or anyone, really – I constantly remind myself to