Bayern, Barcelona and avant-garde philosophical abstractions

Bayern Munich have won their last three matches against Barcelona to a cumulative score of 14-2. To put that into some sort of context, here’s the running total from Bayern’s last three games against Real Madrid: 5-8. Their last three meetings with Liverpool: 3-6. Their last three meetings with Milan: 3-8. Their last three meetings in European competition against Eintracht Frankfurt: 2-11. Oh Bayern! And, as a knock-on effect in strict accordance with established playground rules, oh Barça! This is not a good look for an institution that styles itself as Mes que un club. Mes que un club? Mes que un club Mein Loch!

Whichever way you childishly spin it, Barça have a few ghosts to lay to rest when they run into Bayern again on Tuesday. They were beaten 3-0 home and away by the Bundesliga champions last season, cashiered from Big Cup’s group stage in disgrace for the first time in more than two decades. That came hot on the heels of that 8-2 quarter-final defeat in 2020, a thrashing that transcended the simple concept of humiliation, instead moving into the field of avant-garde philosophical abstractions on the nature of trousers. Can they be filled if they’ve already been pulled down? The two icing-on-cake goals scored against his parent club by on-loan Phillipe Coutinho, the man whose transfer to Camp Nou arguably precipitated Barça’s quick decline from champions of the world to laboured scatological joke, suggested yes. Yes they can.

Times change, though, and perhaps payback’s a-comin’. Another player on the scoresheet that fateful night in Lisbon was Robert Lewandowski, who also found the net a couple of times at Camp Nou last September. But in Munich later he’ll be wearing a Barça shirt. Since switching clubs this