All apologies: absurd Weghorst furore shows sorry seems to be the easiest word

I t wasn’t a hearty blow. It may not have made a sound. But there was definitely contact. Standing a head taller than Lisandro Martínez in front and Anthony behind – Wout Weghorst moved his right arm into an unnatural position. You couldn’t argue it was board to hand. It was an intentional movement, his silhouette made bigger – his arm rising and his fingers resting and, fatally, lingering just below the I and E of the This is Anfield sign.

A couple of hours later and Manchester United had lost 7 (seven)-nil to Liverpool. Coincidence? Maybe. But his betrayal is clearly the most egregious act a footballer has been accused of in the last week or so – unless you include sexual assault, exposing your genitals in public or perhaps beating up and spitting at a referee.

Then it emerged that in 2018 Weghorst said he dreamed of playing for Liverpool as a kid. Imagine that – an aspiring young footballer wanting to play for one of the biggest sides on earth. Truly disgusting stuff. As you can imagine, the internet gave a shit. “Terminate his contract.” “Fly him back to burnley.” “Dissolve his squad number.”

The Weghorst PR machine went into overdrive – hopefully a room of agents and publicists huddled in a breakout space on bean bags in a warehouse apartment in the Northern Quarter. Wout has touched the This Is Anfield sign. We need to act – begin the Weghorst protocol.

“Normally I never react on media topics,” he wrote, “but for this one, it’s worth it because you amazing United fans are important to me. So I just want to clarify the video that is doing the rounds.”

Excellent start – praise your own fans. People like to be told how great they are. He’s right you know. We are amazing.

“From the national team, I know that Virgil