After all the failings and public money, it’s time to talk about ECB bonuses

“Terrific, Mr Mayor. We found the shark!” It has been hard to find any great sense of resolution in the departure this week, by mutually lawyered-up consent, of the head coach, the batting coach and the “managing director” of the England men’s cricket team.

In fairness Chris Silverwood never seemed that convinced himself, carrying out his public duties with the fearful, haunted look of a man who only left the house to fetch a pint of milk but finds himself 11 hours later still in his pyjamas, 18 Jägerbombs deep, a tattoo of monkey on his neck, and being asked now to give the opening remarks at a stadium-capacity advanced calculus conference.

Graham Thorpe’s prospects of hanging around pretty much began and ended with the job title “batting coach”. As for Ashley Giles, well, he just had to go. The farewell note listing his apparently unbroken run of successes was telling in itself. And while the idea of Ashley Giles as the dark mastermind behind England cricket’s systemic collapse is unlikely to survive a first meeting with Ashley Giles, the failings of management and indeed directing are clear enough.

But it is still important to retain a sense of scale here. Zoom out a little and the idea these departures signify actual change brings to mind that scene in Jaws where a gummy-mouthed tiger shark is strung up on the docks while the furtive and shifty local mayor strides around in his candy-striped jacket announcing that the show is over, the water is now safe, and, hell, this isn’t the time or the place for some kind of half-assed autopsy.

This is the time, and it is the place. Because our Great White it still out there. His name is all over the farewell press releases, massaging the message in familiarly nauseating style.