Football’s constant evolution and the ‘Frenkie de Jong saga’

One of the beautiful game’s many enduring beauties is its constant evolution. Whether it’s changes to the laws: interfering with play, not interfering with play, lines drawn on screens – or tactical revolutions: changing “deep-lying centre-forward” to “false nine”, “defending from the front” to “pressing” and “midfielder” to “eight” – this thing of ours is a dynamic dialectic that keeps us young, enthused and virile. OK, we made up that last bit – but you get our gist.

Yet, even in such context, never did The Fiver ever think that the global sport of football would become subservient to the stratospheric sport of transfers – but what a joy that is. Who does not quiver when remembering the first time they saw that vivid green (inside an agent’s wallet); fails to thrill at the familiar smells (BO generated by frantic purple-d1ldo waving); enjoys a surge of electricity when the yellow ticker announces the possibility of a potential $extuple-swoop, odds available on Sky Bet, it matters more when there’s money on it, please gamble sensibly (once you’ve bussed all your money).

Naturally, these electrifying developments appeal to incels tea-time emails and toddlers alike, which is why we can now gorge on babble teaching us which club has “had a good window”, “had a bad window” or “won the window”; all that’s missing is commentary from Floella Benjamin, Humpty and Jemima. Yes, the age-old process of waiting to see how players play before handing down judgment is now consigned to history along with all other outdated methods of evidence-based thinking; we’ve had enough of experience in this country.

The particular joy of this transfer period has been the “Frenkie de Jong saga” – one which, at the time of writing, looks like it’s