England, Australia and an urn: a bluffer’s guide to the Ashes

Why do I keep hearing about the ashes? Whose ashes No, the Ashes: definite article, upper-case A, optional italics for extra emphasis.

OK, so what is the Ashes? The Ashes is cricket’s oldest and most prestigious rivalry, a biennial series of matches between Australia and England that has been played since the 19th century.

Did you get that answer off ChatGPT? Nope, and that’s why AI is such a profound threat to cliche-peddling sports hacks across the globe.

Well, the Ashes sounds like a big deal. The trophy must take some lifting: a 24-carat beauty cast by London’s finest crown jewellers, I trust? Not quite. The thing every English and Australian cricketer wants to get their hands on is a replica of a four-inch terracotta urn.

Go on, explain. In 1882, England established the habit of multiple lifetimes by collapsing shambolically from a winning position, with Fred Spofforth – known as “The Demon” – bowling Australia to victory. The Sporting Times published a satirical obituary to English cricket, which ended with the note: “The body will be cremated and the ashes taken to Australia.” The Ashes originated from a spoof and a Spofforth.

So where does this urn come from? When England arrived in Australia for a return series a few months later, their captain Ivo Bligh told a dinner party of their intentions: “We have come to beard the kangaroo in his den – and try to recover those Ashes.” Most assumed he had embraced the hospitality with zeal as they had no idea what he was talking about. But when England won the series, a group of ladies – including Bligh’s future wife, Florence Morphy – presented him with an urn as a keepsake. Depending on which account you believe, it contained either a burnt bail, a burnt ball, a burnt