A message from the world’s most daily football email wokerati

As card-carrying members of what the home secretary would describe as the Fiver-reading, tofu-eating, wokerati responsible for civil disobedience and any social disruption that comes with it, subscribers to the world’s most daily football email will probably eschew Wednesday evening’s top-flight action, in favour of glueing themselves to a road somewhere in order to protest about global warming, the imminent environmental apocalypse or the rising price of beard oil and sandals. And while we wish you all the very best, we’d ask you not to superglue yourself to the A5014 from Manchester city centre to Old Trafford, because even though The Fiver is all for sticking it to The Man, we’re also quite looking forward to the match between Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur, and won’t be able to watch it if you’re stuck to the road preventing team coaches from getting to the stadium.

The corresponding fixture last season was a belter, with United prevailing by the odd goal of five courtesy of a hat-trick from a certain preening show-pony who, having started United’s past two games, might fancy his chances of making it three in a row if his head has finally stopped wobbling with indignation at being hauled off during his side’s scoreless draw against Newcastle on Sunday. But with Marcus Rashford reported to have recovered from the poorliness that restricted him to a substitute appearance in that game, this Ronaldo may have to settle for a place muttering under his breath and generally looking aggrieved in the dug-out.

Enjoying their best start to a season for 59 years despite never really looking particularly good or fun to watch and still being worse than Arsenal, a win for Spurs would enable them to leapfrog second-placed