Chelsea v Liverpool has all the hallmarks of a classic mid-table tussle

Thomas Tuchel is a Big Cup-winning manager, status one might think has currency for a club hoping to win Big Cups – but only because one is not Todd Boehly, whose epochal genius means he sees things that others cannot. So he and only he knew that the smart move was to fire the aforementioned Big Cup-winning manager. How dare that Big Cup-winning manager – any Big Cup-winning manager – refuse to accept the expertise of a chairman whose proudest footballing achievement was discovering its existence in middle-age? So Todd took charge of the situation with all the wisdom of a man going into hospital for brain surgery, then binning off the doctor to operate on himself. Or, to put it another way, exactly the kind of behaviour one might expect from a 49-year-old man with a sweepover fringe and long straggly bits at the back, who thinks that Big Cup-winning managers must bow to the flawless logic of his superior exchequer.

For his part, Tuchel – since recruited by the Big Cup-shy ignoramuses of Bayern Munich – spent part of this morning lamenting the extent to which Chelsea has changed, pining for the good ol’ days when it was owned by a Russian oligarch. The Daily is choking up!

Back at the Bridge, meanwhile, they hit upon another winning ruse, appointing a no-league winning manager but with the affable compliance that made him and ideal fit for Todd. Except, in an incredible turn-up for the books, their brave new world of vulgar spending with no overarching strategy turned out to be rubbish, so poor Graham Potter was let go, with his metrosexual roll-neck still bobble-free and his that-there-London beard still getting acquainted with its host face.

So there’s sure to be an interesting atmosphere at Stamford Bridge, where