The Fiver lives for weeks like this. Ultimate Barclays, where hype ratchets up to the point where matches can never live up to the billing. Those occasions blown up to such Montgolfier Brothers’ balloon levels usually end up so low in entertainment that they would normally qualify for last place on Match of the Day 2. Long-time Fiver readers probably expect the old comedy one-two shuffle where this august banter email turns to the winner-takes-all battle between Norwich and Burnley, some meta riffs on Dean Smith’s ordinary-man demeanour, Delia Smith, Sean Dyche’s growling alpha realism and a sideways jibe towards Frank Lampard Frank Lamparding it at Frank Lampard’s Everton.